You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
