so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
