I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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