..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
