I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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