Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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