Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
