Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
