woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
