You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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