so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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