i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize