Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do herpes really smell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
