Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
