I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
