Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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