I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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