There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
