I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
