It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
