Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
