I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
