Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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