Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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