You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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