If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
