I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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