too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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