We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
