Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...