i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
