it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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