I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
