I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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