just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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