I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
