she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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