My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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