the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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