Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
