Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
