saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
