literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Two words: blizzard sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
