R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
