So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You ruined the universe
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
