Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
