I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
