I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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