i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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