I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
