theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize