I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
