Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
