dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
