It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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