my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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