So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize