you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
did you just send me my own nude
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
