Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the condom got lost in my hair
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
