I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
