I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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